[Learning Bytes] I wasn’t avoiding it. I gave it a low priority.

If you’re like me, you’re busy. As a result there are lots of things that you have to leave undone.

You’ll get around to them in good time, right?

But some things might be left undone because of avoidance, rather than a good set of priorities, and this is an example of how we can sabotage ourselves.

I realized that there was a big difference between the two this past week as I was working on my Avoider Saboteur with my PQ mental fitness app.

It occurred to me that If I didn’t get something done because I was spending my time on higher-priority tasks (like this newsletter), and those tasks were aligned with my goals (like sharing helpful tips with people), then this was okay! I shouldn’t feel guilty or beat myself up for the things I couldn’t get done because they were of lower priority.

But the Avoider Saboteur can also cause us to leave things undone. This is something entirely different! The Avoider is the element of the survival brain that makes us put off things that are unpleasant or difficult. Not because they aren’t important, but because there are some negative emotions or fear associated with the task.

The Avoider can have a terrible impact on both happiness and performance.

If I judge something (with my survival brain acting up) as unpleasant or difficult, then my Avoider may cause me to put it off. If I don’t have to deal with it, maybe it will go away or sort itself out, right?

Wrong.

Problems or tasks left undone often get more difficult when left to fester. Procrastination just lets more work pile up. It prevents us from moving ahead to new and better goals as quickly as we otherwise could.

So the Avoider tells me its lie (“don’t spend energy on this now and you won’t have to worry about it”) for short-term gain, but the task is still sitting there undone. In the back of my mind I know this and I judge myself! That causes me anxiety and stress. This negates any long-term gain at all!

We can break out of this Avoider cycle simply by catching it in action and just taking the first small step.

Just notice yourself becoming anxious or uneasy about a task–like talking with someone about a conflict or making those calls you know you should be doing–and then label that temptation to put it off. “Oh, there’s my Avoider again!”

You don’t have to try to change your feelings about the task. You can just label it and decide whether to put that task aside or bite the bullet and do it. Instead, take the first small step toward whatever it is you are avoiding. Then, celebrate that little win!

The trick here is to go for small victories over time. Appreciate yourself for the string of things you decided to not avoid. Forgive yourself for any failures or missteps, or for not tackling the hardest things on your plate. Build up your muscles with the habit of recognizing and overcoming the temptation to avoid the things you don’t like.

Like most mental fitness exercises many small, manageable reps over time build muscle the fastest in this area.

When you add this to your ability to set and focus on your personal goals and take action to prioritize tasks that will lead you to your goals, then you have both halves of the “work left undone” puzzle solved.

This won’t always be easy. (In fact it rarely is, because most of us have to re-balance and re-prioritize tasks several times a day!) But with a clear set of goals, the priorities to support them, and the mental fitness to act on what needs to be done, we get much farther than our Avoider Saboteurs would ever let us go.

Both the journey and the destination are worthwhile.

This insight comes from my Positive Intelligence^® mental fitness work. This week, it’s from work on myself, but looking back, I have seen this play out for other people, as well. Let me know what insights you get from your own learning journeys! Share your thoughts or contact me to chat.

All the best,
–Steve

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P.S. - Getting past the Avoider is also why the “Eat That Frog” concept works. Put an unpleasant task early in the day when you have the mental energy for it and get it over with. But remember also to build your mental fitness by making a habit of this process!